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Knowing that my divorce would affect my sons in just the way this young man describes has been the most painful aspect of divorce for me. Fourteen years later I still feel broken inside when I am reminded of it. And everything reminds me of it. I have just had to accept that I will never really feel whole again. Time does NOT heal all wounds.

My constant prayer since that time has been that my sons would find stability with lifelong partners - the kind of stability that I was unable to provide for them during their childhood.

brett jordan

My wife divorced me in 1995, following a complex series of events where both of us discovered that the other was having an affair. We have four children, the youngest was 3 at the time of the divorce, the eldest 9.

The time immediately after the divorce was an awful time for everyone involved, my ex-wife and I had been 'a model couple'... leaders of the church youth group, etc... and many people were (justifiably) shocked, confused and angered by our sin.

Our children were (and I'm sure are) affected by the divorce, but I made the decision to make sure I saw them on every occasion I could as long as they also wanted to see me.

My wife re-married and moved 150 miles away, so I drive 600 miles every fortnight (often more frequently) to make sure I keep seeing them.

The internet helps with communication, chatting on MSN and email helps bridge the (keenly felt) gap.

I have been very lucky, my kidz seem to have decided to keep loving both their parents, and I have done my best to let them know that they were not to blame for any of it.

My eldest daughter has just turned 20, and (to the best of my knowledge) we have a loving and honest relationship...

Now at university she still seems to enjoy visiting me, for a mixture of food, money, washing, hugs and long conversations.

I know that damage will have been done, however, there are ways to limit that damage, and with God's help divorce doesn't have to mean that life ends for everyone involved.

Jim Martin

Thanks for your comment. You have shared some things which are deeply personal.

It sounds like you have made a great effort to stay connected with your children. I applaud you for that.

For all of us--we plead for God's mercy and pray that he will be at work in all who are impacted by our lives.

Thanks for your comment Brett. Hope you will comment again.

Jim Martin

I appreciate what you said.

As with this young man in the conversation, God is going to continue to be faithful to your sons and will supply them with what they need most. I'm thankful that God in his mercy bridges across time, miles, and most of all, human failure.

While the man in the conversation experienced a deep wound, God has blessed him with a wonderful wife, Godly friends, and His forever presence.


Our daughter and son-in-law's divorce didn't seem to affect their two girls at first but now two years later the girls are realizing that this divorce is permanent and they are seeking attention in different ways: depression, acting out, clamming up. It is so sad to see the effects divorce can have. It is up to the parents to stay connected and show love to these hurt kids. Some of the same problems the couple had before the divorce will still have to be dealt with because of the kids.


I am looking forward to more of these discussions.

How did you end up having such conversations?

Jim Martin

Thanks for this comment regarding your grandchildren.
My goodness...

You are so right. It is so important that parents stay connected and show love to these children.

Jim Martin

Hi Darin,
The conversations all took place with people who I know well enough to have a conversation on this level.

I feel very blessed and honored these people would trust me with a fragile part of their lives.

Greg England

Jim: I really don't have a comment to make, as I've not lived in those circumstances. I did read this blog with the distinct feeling that I was reading something sacred. I appreciate the person willing to share this with you and the responses of those who have lived through this nightmare.


Could I paraphrase one of the statements this Sunday?

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